Thursday, January 27, 2005

6-hour car accident

Ok, so Lisa Vlooswyk, the four time Canadian Women's Long Driving champion, talked to our Newswriting class today. It reminded me of something I heard on the radio.

I believe it was Rob Kerr, for The Fan 960, who described watching a professional golfer having a bad round as watching a 6-hour car accident. You want to watch to see if it can get any worse.

I completely agree with what he says. It's quite entertaining watching Tiger Woods hit a ball 300 yards into the forest. At least it makes him look human. Which is another thing.

I enjoy watching them screw up because, well, I know I could do just as good. Hell, I can hit a ball 200 yards into the pond no problem. The only difference here is that he's getting paid millions in sponsorship money, while I'm left trying a salvage my ball out of the creek.

Actually this whole 6-hour car accident applies to just about any sport. For instance, in hockey (seeing as there is going to be no NHL I might as well use it as a reference), if a goaltender lets in two goals that were shot in from the red line, you have to watch. It's our obsession with seeing others fail.

I pose this question to those who read this blog. Why do we like to watch professionals fail in sports? Am I right? Does it make them look human for once? Or is it just a guilty pleasure (you know like cheers for the Riders)? Those are my thoughts, help me out here.

Well, thats it for now. May all your drives be straight and don't spend as much time on the beach as David Hasselhoff.

-Brother Punk-

p.s. I understand that you can't leave a publishers name without signing up to Blogger. Just poster comments as anonymous and then sign your alias at the bottom of the message. Sorry for any inconvience.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

...and that is how the newspaper is put together

Monday, January 24, 2005

Add some excitement

I'm sure by now we are all tired of the same old sports being shown on TV time-after-time. There has to be a way to make these boring sports more exciting.

Never fear, Bro Punk to the rescue. I have compile just a few ideas on how to make the most boring sports exciting.

Many people find poker and golf to be an extremely boring event to watch on the Boob Tube. We'll why not make these events a full contact sport. Never again will a player just bitch and complain after a bad beat when he can just bitch slap his opponent. If you're playing player beats you by several strokes, go after him with your driver.

Hell, even curling should be a contact sport. Your opponent's Second puts the rock on the button, you take out his knees with your broom.

Also when it comes to golf, I think they should make it mandatory for each player to have an air horn and cell phone. What fun is golf when you can't distract your opponent with a loud, annoying noise maker. Nothing says "Nice Shot" like BBBBBLLLLAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.

I believe that sports with boundaries should be rid of these boundaries. Sports such as football, hockey, soccer and basketball should let their fans feel the action. The only problem with this idea is that a beer limit would have to be put on the fans. God knows, we don't want to piss off another agitated black man, right Ron Artest?

Finally, I think that we should get rid of player's agents and replace them with members of the Mafia. I can guarantee players they will get that 3-year $10.5 million contract. How you may ask? Let's just say, the owners will get an "offer they can't refuse."

I hope these ideas may one day enhance your viewing pleasure for sports you wouldn't normally watch. With the hockey lockout and all, we really need to find a way to watch these sports.

Peace out everyone

-Brother Punk-

p.s. On a serious note, we had a lot of laughs from this entry, but yesterday the world lost a very funny man. Johnny Carson died at the age of 79. Although I'm too young to know much about him. I have watched many repeats of the Tonight Show when he hosted it. I just wanted to say that Jay Leno isn't fit to stand on the same stage that Carson once stood.

In this day and age, we have turned into a society of immature humour. Carson could still make dirty jokes, but in a more sophisticated way. To me that is humour, not these poop and fart jokes that we make now.

I think I speak for many when I say, Johnny you're going to be missed. I think everyone is heaven should consider themselves lucky when they hear St. Peter say "HHHHEERRREEESSSS JOHNNY."

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Dirty Words and Sports

Ok, so my last enter was pretty serious so let's have some fun with this one. Is it just me, or do the inventors of all kind of sports have to be careful giving out names?

I'm not talking about those dumb jokes such as "a bi-athlete, he goes both ways." I mean real sports name that are just wrong on all levels. I have compiled a fairly short list of a feww dirty names in sports.

Snatch and the Clean and Jerk-I think Weight Lifting beats them all for the worst names. Who would name an event the "Clean and Jerk?" That isn't an olympic event, that sounds like some thing I do when I'm bored (hey, got nothing better to do). Snatch, I could use some, but it shouldn't be a weight lifting event.

Ball Players-Ok, this one is wrong on some many levels. Call them football players, baseball players or basketball players but not ball players(although I question the basketball player lol, just kidding b-ball players). Maybe baseball players tend to grab themselves but we don't need to hear about it.

"Hit it in the crotch"-FOR GOD SAKE NNNOOO!!!!! As much as I love curling (best sport on this planet as far as I'm concerned), I don't need to hear a skip yell this down the ice. Getting hit in the crotch is not a laughing matter, it really hurts.

Hole-in-one-Do I really need to explain this one?

Big Slick-No, it's not as bad as it sounds. Of those who don't know poker terminology, big slick is when you are holding an Ace and a King. It's not what you are thinking...get your head out of the gutter.

Nuts-I can leave this one to your imagination, but it isn't what you think. The nuts is when a player, in poker, has a hand that can't be beat (hence the name of this blog site). It's not...well, you get my dift.

Poker is actually really good material for dirty names. For instance, "flopping the nuts with big slick" is a player, holding ace-king, who can't be beat after the first three community cards. It's NOT giving Willie some fresh air.

If anyone can think of any other dirty names in sports, please leave a comment and let me know. I'm pretty sure I'm missing something.

Take'er easy everybody.

-Brother Punk-

Friday, January 21, 2005

Top 5 guitarists

So here it is, my Top 5 guitarists of ALL-TIME. I know that some of you will disagree with my list, but this is my opinion so sit on it.

First of all, I want to make something clear. There is a theory around the blues world that a guitarist can go to the crossroads and sell his soul to the devil to play the guitar (hence, the legend of the crossroads and the song "Crossroads"). I do not declare this cheating, any advantage should be taken.

Alright, this topic has been bothering me for a while. I am an avid guitarist and appreciate the raw talent of a really good guitarist. My personal opinion is that the best guitarists around are blues guitarist. The way those guys play, its just unbelievable.

So here we go:

5. B. B. King-A lot of you will disagree with me saying he is either better than 5th place and some will say he isn't that great of a guitarist. I have seen the guy play live and he was unbelievable. However, on televised events (late night talk shows, etc.), he doesn't put in the same effort which lowers his standing.

He does win marks for one very big factor, Lucille. The world's most famous guitar and it's B.B.'s. It's a beautiful black Gibson Les Paul, how can you deny that guitar. If anything, Lucille should take 5th place.

4. Eric Clapton-Yes, Slowhand himself made the list. This guy can do it all: Rock, blues, whatever. He can do it.

Clapton is known for the warm sound that he can get out of his guitar. So warm, it's been compared to a women's voice.

Also giving him points is his great song writing. Being able to write a song about his son's death, like he did with Tears in Heaven, is awesome. I still don't understand how he can play that song in front of thousands of people. I understand that Clapton was very close to his boy.

And now, it's time for the final three...

3. Robert Johnson-Ok, so maybe you have never heard of Robert Johnson unless you are a hardcore blues fan. He was the one who brought the blues from the cotton fields of the southern US to northern US.

Thanks to him, the blues is extremely popular is places like Chicago and St. Louis. But that is completely beside the point, this guy was an amazing guitarist of his time.

Listening to his music, it sounds like 3 or 4 guitars are playing...but it isn't. It's one man with talent. This is where the legend of the crossroads comes into play. Johnson supposedly sold his soul to the devil at the crossroads to play the guitar. He was the one who originally wrote the song "Crossroads," which is now made famous by many other blues players.

Sadly, we lost Johnson at a young age (this will be a continuing theme so pay attention) when he was poisoned. That's right, if it's good enough for Ukranian politics, it's good enough for a guitar legend.

2. Jimi Hendrix-What can you say about Jimi Hendrix. He is a true legend. Know for his rockin' rendition of the Star Spangled Banner and, for course, the burning of the guitar. This is a guy who could make something from nothing.

Jimi was a left handed guitarist, which is rare, but it didn't hold him back. He was know for stringing his Fender Stratocaster up-side-down so that he could play with his left hand. His onstage presents was awesome as well. Playing the guitar behind his back and behind is head, it was a sight to see.

As all good guitarist, Jimi died at a young age as well from a drug overdose (surprise, surprise for a rock star).

Now, the moment you all have been waiting for. The best guitarist of all time (as far as I'm concerned)...

1. Stevie Ray Vaughan-Haha, those who know me will know that this is no surprise. SRV is a legend who will live forever. I will admit that many of his song were not original, but he improvised to make the songs better.

SRV could be the guitar behind his back and behind his head better than most people could right in front of them. When he gets in a groove, the look on his face will give you goosebumps. His guitar, known as Number One or Second Wife, was one to marvel. It was a scratched up old Fender with the stickers SRV on the pick guard.

Tragedy struck when after a show in Alpine Valley, he jumped a helicopter to get back to Chicago to see his Finacee (actually I heard many stories on whether it was his girlfriend, finacee or wife). Fifteen minutes after takeoff the helicopter crashed, killing everyone on board. It is rumoured that SRV is buried with Number One while others say his brother, Jimmy, has the guitar.

I know I left off some big names like Eddie Van Halen, Santana or Slash. But I have my reasons for leaving them off. I'm done ranting, that's my list hope you enjoy.

-Brother Punk-

Welcome one and all

Hello everyone and welcome to my brand-spankin' new blog. Everyone kept harrassing me "you need to get a blog, you need to get a blog." WELL HERE IT IS DAMN IT!

Anyhow, these entries will just be my ramblings and opinions (by the way, I'm from Saskatchewan so you'll hear me bitch about it a lot). Feel free to leave comments if you like. I will try to keep it up to date as much as possible, but I'm a busy man.

You are probably asking yourself, "so what makes him qualified to be a writer." Well, let me tell you a bit about myself. I am a second year Journalism students at SAIT, worked at the Drumheller Valley Times and Strathmore Standard (and, yes, I did have to plug the names of the papers), and I'm currently working on a book.

Well, hope you enjoy.

-Brother Punk-